contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your With younger kids, you could do a token system or create a single behavior chart that will allow them to earn a reward every day or two, such as playing a game with Mom or watching a movie with Dad. If your child becomes disrespectfulSome children will appreciate the clarity and respond well to the use of consequences and rules. As we discussed in the post titled How to Respect Yourself and Others, taking responsibility for your own actions makes life work better. No matter what this action is, from having another piece of cake to stealing a CD, it will have some kind of an effect. He will get cold. What else needs to happen to correct the situation? I expect more of you.”. India’s Vultures. You could also try to add additional incentives for your child to follow this structure at least 3 or 4 days in a row. You use it if you aren’t sure what to do, if you can’t think of a related consequence, if the related consequences haven’t worked in the past, or if there are multiple infractions. Make your own decisions and follow your own truth. Their feelings:  What are their thoughts and feelings now? For suggestions for Practical Activities and Resources related to this topic click here. Practice considering consequences in life and in a plot by inferring the likely consequences of the following four choices: Call To ActionIf you want more daily motivation, inspiration, and positivity, then subscribe to my private mailing list. Mental “inputs” – from such sources as movies, TV programs, magazines, friends, internet sources, social networks and computer games – may also negatively affect our attitudes and behaviours. You are frustrated and not sure what to do. Sometimes consequences are not effective.It may be a maturity issue and your child may need firmer structure and stricter rules to be in place through the use of non-negotiable rules. We realise that we are the main agent in our own life – we are not just at the mercy of other agents. Black-hat, white-hat exaggeration. We then consider our actions more carefully and cease being merely reactive to situations. This provides value to your life – in your own eyes as well as the eyes of others. Do not take what is not freely given. However, for the purpose of this article, we will focus on your imposing a consequence for an infringement, that is, when you child does not behave as he should. Believe me, I’m not advocating an uninvolved approach here—far from it. In this example, natural consequences are: – Matthieu Ricard, ♦♦♦    ♦♦♦   ♦♦♦   ♦♦♦   ♦♦♦   ♦♦♦   ♦♦♦   ♦♦♦   ♦♦♦   ♦♦♦   ♦♦♦. Acceptance and forgiveness allow us to move forward and not fix on the past. Here are 5 areas where you should let your child face natural consequences: I’ve worked with many parents whose kids get into trouble at school. Such expectations tell children that they possess the ability to behave, tolerate disappointment and frustration, delay gratification,  grow,  and do better – all of which builds their self-esteem. You must select at least one category to create your Personal Parenting Plan: We're just about finished! You are not opposing them; rather you are working with them to help them be the fully capable and competent people you know they can become. As soon as your child has satisfactorily answered these questions, he can regain his lost privileges. This will help him maximize the learning that comes from mistakes and give him the skills to avoid unpleasant consequences in the future—natural or otherwise. The third and last type of consequence is Imposed-Not Related. The most common way for families to handle chores is to provide a small allowance. As we grow we learn how to act in wise, practical and creative ways. Particularly we need to be careful when seeking pleasure or excitement. For a more important issue or for a child for whom writing would feel like a punishment, you can have an in-depth conversation going through all of the questions. I’m going to give away all of your toys to someone who will appreciate them!”. All Rights Reserved. We need to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Focus on living a better life today than you lived yesterday. Personally, I would rather live with the consequence of being judged by others and spend more time with myself. The hard truth is that decision-making is a skill your child needs to learn so he can function as an adult. Choice is the process of creation itself." Facts: The details of the situation – the who, what, where, when? Your position and feelings about privileges and consequences is very important to your effective use of consequences. Wisdom and compassion should become the dominating influences that guide our thoughts, our words, and our actions. These privileges are not owed to your children – there should be a give-and-take between you and your children – you give privileges if they earn them by their appropriate behavior. Feeling our interconnectedness makes us sensitive to how our actions affect others. That is what will determine the action that you take. Get your FREE Personal Parenting Plan today. I’ll explain more about this later on. At first it was … If you are in a bad mood because you once again find food left out on the kitchen counter, that too is a consequence. And sometimes parents have difficulty relinquishing control because they feel they always have to get their child to obey. For a more serious issue, for an older child, or for an emotionally charged situation, you can have the child respond in writing. importance, consequence, moment, weight, significance mean a quality or aspect having great worth or significance. Some pleasures may bring pain and suffering in their wake. The same goes for when we fail to act when we know we should. Sometimes we can predict what the consequences may be. The natural consequence of a dirty room is that your child won’t be able to find things. When you find yourself needing to suspend privileges, you can then have your children put themselves on suspension, picking what privilege they will forego. It is my pleasure to let you have and do these things, but when you behave in a way that goes against our family rules, then I’m going to suspend those privileges until we resolve the problem.”. Natural consequences can best be described as the logical outcome of a decision your child makes. Be honest and tell no lies. If she forgets her lunch, she will be hungry. Younger children will need you to offer them choices, while mid-elementary aged kids and up can make choices more independently. Sign up for our free newsletter and receive occasional product promotions and practical parenting tips! Realising the consequences of our actions will sometimes cause us to regret them and resolve to avoid such actions in the future.

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